So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
