Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
