i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
