I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
