So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
