U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone shit on the floor
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
