It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
