When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
