Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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