Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
