She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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