He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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