my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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