i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Randomize
