We're facebook friends in real life
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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