this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
