this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
false alarm, still single
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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