You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
