we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
