What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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