Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize