lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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