dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
