Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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