By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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