Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
