you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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