hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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