I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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