Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
