One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
