They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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