No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he had hair everywhere except his balls
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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