What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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