the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
