I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
