mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
