You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
