she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The air was thick with penises
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
