Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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