I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
