Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
