U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
