nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize