when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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