she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
