eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is the high leading the old right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
