K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
