if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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