dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
