i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
