i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
