I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You don't make any sense
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