Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize