Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
