Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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