Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
