I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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