Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
