take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
