theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need to calm my uterus...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
