Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
soo... how was my night?
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