Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
