my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
