I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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