I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
