peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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