So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
