How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
