'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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