Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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