I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
