Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
