I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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