Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
