i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize