Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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