enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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